THE ORCHARD OF HAPPY FRUIT.

For the first time in my whole life, I can actually say with all honesty I am starting to understand what happiness is in all its glory and I am learning daily the skills and the art of keeping it. I have suffered over the years with many bouts of depression and a feeling of unhappy hopelessness and have only recently re-emerged from my last sojourn into that land of barren dry and desolate despair, constantly covered with dark clouds that tease with promise of release but void of replenishing rains. Part of the secret to finding, keeping and building your inner happy, is giving it freely to others, because what you give out comes back to you in time. Every seed of this type with the water of your hope filled tears will grow, maybe not as quick as you want to see these results, but grow it will. And in time from those desolate plains of barren earth you will produce a tree filled with the fruits of your love, and those that deserve your fruit will sit with you and enjoy the offerings of your happiness. Before you know it, those around you will see your tree and want to plant one too and so on and so on until the desert that once surrounded you will transform into an orchard for the family and friends you love.

Don't get me wrong, part of this process is learning who to keep and who to leave well alone, to go off and walk their path with or without you. You can only try and be there for people, if they aren’t right for you and grate on your happy nerve, send them packing to find their own plot of land and learn to till its soil.

Too many times I was on auto pilot being Miss Florence Nightingale helping anyone and everyone all the while forgetting that to really be effective in helping and supporting others, you first need to help yourself and love your self unconditionally and be your own best friend. It has taken me a long time to put all of those pieces together and we never stop learning and like all human beings, I also am not perfect. The only way to rise above those less than wise choices both from the past or new ones on the way, is to never live in regret over them and just try to accept that we are the end result of every choice we make and can always try to do better next time.


Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

TAKING YOUR POWER BACK!

What does it mean to be free in a world that is increasingly becoming a policed existence, of moral judgment chosen for the many by the ruling few? How many of our civil liberties will fall by the wayside in the quest to placate perceived government desire to safeguard us against the terror from out there. We all know deep in our soul’s right from wrong, but for the growing majority we look to others to be our guide and compass on how to live and what to do. Continually being fed a diet of lies and deceit, prevents most from waking from a dream state wonder lust for a lifestyle that for many will always be out of reach. Every day we rise from our beds and prepare ourselves for the treadmill that is our life, never questioning the state of play that has left many of us in debt and in a constant state of trying to catch up. Unless you have been lucky enough to win big or come from old money, your chances of getting ahead are slim, and that is just the way the powers that be want it to stay.

Yes I do believe in positive values and thoughts and I know all too well that they can indeed get you far, but I am also a realist and it would be remiss of me to act like an ostrich in this world of plenty for only the few. It is becoming apparent to me that things are not quite as they seem and if we are to bring about a change for the better, we must resist the constant Schism we are fed. Schism for those who are unaware is the negative energy that is created by those in power to keep us trapped in a state of fear and terror. Every other day another show about crime and murder hits our TV screens. Doctored media teamed with the constant rolling coverage of bad news we are encouraged to consume on a daily basis, all create Schism. Have you noticed that the ones that have appointed themselves to protect our world are also the ones feeding this negative machine?

Change your treadmill and refuse to be a part of the status quo you have been sold and stop being a slave to the ones who wish to control you. Go to work and live your life while focusing on good thoughts and feelings, and if getting that thing you think will make you happy leaves you trapped in repayment hell, leave it on the shelf. Watch the box selectively and the entertainment it brings, remembering its purpose is to sell you a life you are told you need as well as the food you are encouraged to buy for the families you feed.

You are beautiful beings and more so for being born into this wonderful LGBT community, a community that has taken pride in being different from the rest. Choose a calmer life and beware of the deliberate energy trap called stress and take your power back.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 2011.

DON'T WORRY!

For the first time in my whole life, I can actually say with all honesty I am starting to understand what happiness is in all it's glory and am learning daily the skills and the art of keeping it.. I have suffered over the years with many bouts of depression and a feeling of unhappy hopelessness and am only recently re-emerged from my last sojourn into that land of barren dry and desolate despair, constantly covered with dark clouds that tease with promise of release but void of replenishing rains. Part of the secret to finding, keeping and building your inner happy, is giving it freely to others, because what you give out comes back to you in time. Every seed of this type with the water of your hope filled tears will grow, maybe not as quick as you want to see these results, but grow it will. And in time from those desolate plains of barren earth you will produce a tree filled with the fruits of your love, and those that deserve your fruit will sit with you and enjoy the food of your joy. Before you know it, those around you will see your tree and want to plant one too and so on and so on until the desert that once surrounded you will transform into an orchard for the family and friends you love.


Don't get me wrong, part of this process is learning who to keep and who to leave well alone...to go off and find their own path with or without you, you can only try and be there for people, if they ain't right and grate on your happy nerve, send them packing to work it out for themselves and find their own plot of land and learn to till it's soil.


Too many times I was on auto pilot being miss Florence Nightingale helping anyone and everyone all the while forgetting that to really be effective in helping and supporting others, you first need to help yourself and love your self unconditionally and be your own best friend....It has taken me a long time to put all of those pieces together and hey I am not perfect, we never stop learning and of course like all us human beings...I make mistakes. The only way to rise above those less than wise choices either from the past or new ones on the way, that will I never regret because they all brought me to who I am today.....Is to just pick yourself up, brush yourself off and try to do better next time.


Everyday is a new day and an opportunity to create a better you and a better world. We all have a choice, go with change freely and embrace it or stay stuck in old thoughts, ways and regrets. I choose now to leave the past where it is and make an effort to live in the moment. Nothing will change the past, but we can change the future. Worrying is worthless and finally I am learning to let go of this useless thought process...worrying about things will not change them, it will only make the situation worse, distort your aura and create illness. I used to be so locked up with worry, I grew up with a father who was a worrier, and would worry sometimes if he did not have something to worry about....I say that with the up most of respect for him please be assured, he was one of my teachers/best friend and I adore him and so miss him now that he has passed on. Before he died he said to me almost in a desperate voice while holding my hand...Don't Worry! He died in 2006 and I have experienced post traumatic stress owing to the terror of watching cancer take away my friend, as his main carer it shook me to the core and took a toll on my mind and filled it with sorrow and fear. Part of the problem was also the old issues I had thought were dealt with regarding my childhood and my dad and his illness and the stress surrounding it brought up so many things that I was incapable of dealing with at that time, especially considering I had thought I already had. I am getting therapy for this currently and feel that the trauma from this and my childhood is starting to unlock from my soul...But you know what? The best part is ...I finally get it and what he was trying so desperately to warn me about in his desperate desire to help his child avoid what he realised at the end, contributes to dis-ease, thank you so much dad for this...Only in the last few recent weeks I can hear is voice echo those words of desperate warning, and now after all this time, I have finally heard those words fully and understand exactly what they mean and released the need to worry.


I reject worries out of my mind when they try to re-invade my thoughts, and let things and time take care of themselves, because worrying does nothing to change whatever it is of concern.... Just do what you have to, to change or improve what is causing you to begin to stress or at least make small steps toward that end goal...Everything happens in the perfect time and if you trust in the process of time and that it is happening exactly how it is meant to....you no longer feel the need to worry.


Every day now I thank my father and the many other teachers in my life. There are too many to name here, Louise Hay was one that helped me turn on my light and I will be forever gratefull to her for this, but a very special and precious teacher in particular is my beautiful mother. The pearls of wisdom that pour from her mind and then her mouth could fill an ocean with wisdom. Mum you are so very special and you know how lost I would be if it were not for you, you are my guiding light and a compass that helps me find my way, finally I am putting your advice into practice and though I still wander from the path you recommend, know that I am doing my best to follow your lead.

My siblings have taught me so much as well, as have the beautiful offspring they have given our family and world. Marilyn you are a natural teacher and it has always struck me as something quite magical and interesting that the first and the last child from our family are both dedicated to the love of seeking and imparting wisdom. My version of it is without a degree and as we both know I have shown also a talent for being easily distracted, whilst you were a master of working towards the goal that brought you to your graduation and in my minds eye I still remember the day, albiet I was very young! lol. I have always been in awe of how you seem to effortlessly understand those steps needed to complete your school work and focus until the assignment and task reaches fruition. We had different styles of intelegence and possibly A.D.D or maybe my lack of attention span and the land of gender change, led me to the school of the world, but in the end we are both in love with teaching.

Renee, I hope you know how special you are to me, and how grateful I am to you for giving me the opportunity to love and care for you as I always was wanted to but my life and life in general got in our way. You have taught me many things as well and I cherish the connection we now have. You were the one I grew up with and spent the most time with as a child. I adore you and am so sorry for any lost time we have experienced for one reason or another. You are a strong incredible woman with five beautiful children, and now they have children as well. Never forget what a truely amazing effort you have put into raising these gorgeous human beings, and especially the fact that you succeeded doing this through adversity. I miss you and us as kids, just playing and yes sometimes fighting lol, but through it all we survived and thankfully we are now closer than ever. Cut out dolls, mums pattern tin, tea parties with Terrina, or just dreaming our own dreams while watching a glamoures movie, pretending we were that beautiful actress in an old movie on the sunday TV matinee. So many special memories and I will treasure them always and even though you are my big sister..(well only by 3 years. lol) I will love you and look after you until the end. I know things get muddled up sometimes but I know that we are going to be ok from now on and feel a sense that we have helped our loved ones find peace. Thankyou for your open hearted love.

I thank dad everyday for the gift of those last words he spoke to me and I now feel a freedom I have never experienced before. Live your life, show gratitude for it and everything that is in it and strive to be happy...And most of all Don't worry, whatever happens happens, try to guide your life positively when and where ever you can, but remember, worrying will only make things worse and drain and take away from your joy.


Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

PRECIOUS GEM

Joy is the gift you give with love,
With voice to soothe the soul.

The musical girl with style and grace,
Sings from the heart with golden glow.

You are a precious gem on earth,
The gods created a goddess.

Thanks for the hope you gave my soul,
Thanks for the sparkle imparted.

And if ever you’re feeling sad and blue,
Remember the hearts you've touched,

I will never forget that special night,
When all my woes seemed mended.

All thanks to a girl with a beautiful heart,
Whose voice mends hearts that are broken.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011

DESTINY OVER DOUBT

Lately I have been feeling very alone and overwhelmed with a feeling of loss. I hope against hope that it is just to do with the death of my old self in readiness for the new, but something in me is not so sure. Recently I have lain awake in bed terrified to fall to sleep, imagining that I may not awake. I thought I was not scared of death, but I am and anyone who says they are not scared of it is indeed putting up a brave front. What a horrible ability it would be to be fully aware of when we will pass on. My greatest fear in regard to this is caught up with a fear of failure and not getting to where I feel I was meant to be and the achievements that are proof of my arrival at this point. I know I will die one day and I am grateful for not knowing the exact time and date of this inevitability. All I ask of the universe is that I am given a little bit more time to do what I know I am meant to do, promising to do it with haste. I realize that I have squandered allot of the time I have been given and have for many years blamed it upon my transgender journey as a way of explaining why I had no energy to fulfill the destiny open to me with the gifts I have been given. I love singing and it is my one true passion, but I am also scared of it and have failed to develop this skill to its full potential. I allowed myself to be lazy and a victim and say that it was ok to neglect it because the voice I have would not be accepted when it is attached to what appears to be female.

I am nearly 40 years old and I am over giving myself excuses and I am over allowing others the right to dictate my actions, even if it is my own perceptions of what I think they expect of me. I am going down in a blaze of glory and honesty and those that do not like it will have to get over it and move on. I do not have any time to waste on those who would never accept me anyway and only a fool would enter into any venture expecting total acceptance from everyone. There is always going to be someone who does not agree and what a boring world it would be if we did not question things and all agreed. I am going to come out on top and I am going to find my centre and when I do, the whole world is going to know who I am. So many have told me I am special, but it meant nothing until I believed it too.

I know my capabilities and I have dared to realize the extent of my worth, but insecurity can be a bug that eats through the best of a harvest. I will prevail and punch through the boxing ring of insecurity, surfacing to reclaim my destiny over doubt.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

TRANSITIONS

Life is all about transitions and the ongoing path that leads us to who we become, while leaving behind who we were. No one escapes this ongoing transition and though we for the most part feel like the same person, we are different from the one we were a second ago and so it continues. I have made many changes not unlike all of us do on a moment to moment basis. Unlike most of the populace, I was born into a life that was destined for moments in time that were heavily grounded in major change. It is difficult for all of us to accept change and go through the inevitable growing pains of continual renewal in the process of our human existence, but we go through it whether we like it or not. Some believe it was a choice I made to make the major changes I have to my gender, but as time rolls on I realize that survival was an instinct that inevitable forced my hand. I am who I am and I am the end result of decisions that lead me to the identification of Transgender. Does this fit me? Well of course it does because this is who I am and I will always be the end result of the ongoing realization of this reality. Who really knows who or what they are and where exactly does a label fit on someone who is nothing in particular but everything in general. I have been described as Gender Queer by someone who heard my story and surmised that to not own a gender island is proof that gender fluidity may be the ship that I sail. I am not a woman and I am not a man, I chose femininity over masculinity and I will never regret this choice. But free of regrets is not what I am and I must admit this to myself and sail on until I find a shore that brings me the emotional and mental shelter I yearn for.

I have experienced so many amazing moments in my journey punctuated sometimes more than I would have liked with moments of sheer hopelessness and doubt. How can I doubt the decision I made that helped me survive. Even though it was a survival tactic, I would be living in denial if I did not own the sadness of what I sometimes feel I have lost. The person I was always deserves to be remembered and my inner child is indeed a boy not a girl.

I know there are those that deny the existence of this part of their history but I never felt the urge to bury the boy I once was. He was a valid and beautiful person and worthy of recognition just like any one else who has graced this planet. I am working through my issues with this loss and at times I feel almost haunted by the person I once was. When do we stop trying to prove that we are legitimately who we are as a defense mechanism against those that are looking for any reason to accuse us of instability, and just celebrate that we are a combination of both. I think it is healthier to accept the past for what it is and rejoice in the fact that yes I was once male. Every transgender person is different from the other, so this is my story and I only speak for myself. I just hope that maybe someone who might have similar feelings will relate and grant themselves the right to be comfortable with a past that is ok to admit to. I don't think I have ever come to terms with this memory and though I have never denied who I was, I allowed myself to feel embarrassment. Who I was when I was called Byron will forever be my history and to deny this is not only self destructive but it is not unlike burying someone close to you and not even bothering to mark the grave with a headstone. The reality is that the person I was has never died; he is with me still and lives on through me like a partner unto myself. I am starting to realize that I would do much better if I learnt to come to terms with this loss while placating an inner child feeling neglect and in the process turn it into a gain. This is my realization and I only advocate that you do what is best for you. I have seen so many transpeople in the past that denied who they were in favour of starting a fresh and wiping out the past.

As a transperson I am from the old school of thought and thankfully I can see that this ideal of wiping out the past is being replaced with a new breed who are loudly proclaiming who they were. There is nothing wrong with whatever you choose to do and what is right for you is best. If along your journey you choose to embrace all aspects of your history, more power to you and remember it is sometimes fear of others reactions that stop us from taking this step. It also is a choice born from the belief that this is who we have always been and that is also a very valid position to take. We are all different and it would be wrong to try and recommend any particular path for someone that is part of a collective that encompass such a vast array of different gender realities.

For me I realize I am going through a massive flux of change once again and the evolution of my being is open to questioning and going with the flow of the moment. There is nothing worse in my opinion than becoming stagnant and telling myself that this is all I am, and my penchant for analyzing is both a curse and a virtue. I sometimes wish I could just accept an unhappy position and just march forward without questioning the doubts, but I can't. I have an enquiring mind and it comes with an insatiable hunger for finding my intrinsic self. Do we just arrive at different junctures of our lives or ongoing moments and tell ourselves that regardless of my thoughts today, though they are different to the ones I had before, I will ignore them and save myself from fracture. I will continue my quest for my own personal truth and I will go forth and evolve with the process of change that led me to who I am today.

Maybe I will stay relatively on the same path or maybe I will break away and incorporate a new facet to my being that is not locked into what I know others expect of me. Sometimes I feel we fall into the danger of not growing for fear that we will lose the person everyone around us has invested in. So many have pondered what could have been at the end of a life and wished that fear had not robbed them of the life that would have indeed brought them closer to who they were meant to be.


Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

BEAUTIFUL MISS CONCEPTION 2

What is an opinion, if it is not backed up by logical thought and fact? The white noise of un-secured thought, let loose on witnessing eyes and those in earshot. Everyone is entitled to them or so we've been told, but beware of the fog that surrounds your world. Opinions constantly pouring from the mouths and keyboards of the masses locked in a pen less technological sword fight. So over soaked with information, the truth invariably gets lost in a sea of false interjections, usually lacking in whit. Lately it must seem that mine are a bit on the heavy side and a tad gloomy, but I promise to find a lighter one for my next installment. Forgive me my indulgence in this theme of warning; thankfully in the distance I still see a rainbow.

Our hopes lay with the collective that still hold dear to the best of a past era. The ones that know that to gain the most, we must first give of ourselves. I see so many now that are determined to make front page at any cost and to hell with the consequences and who it hurts in the process. When did we stop teaching our children that what we give out we get back? Cause and affect still rules the world and consequences or not, we will find our way. It is inevitable that we will be forced to see the error of our ways, cherish ourselves, and on all fronts I hope for a kinder and more understanding race. The Titanic sank, and the unsinkable was lost and man was forced to learn from mistakes that were made. And just like that ship, the evolution of mans selfishness will also find the bottom of its ocean. We will in time see that everything has a price and everything finds its centre, and whether we like it or not survival is an instinct the human race cannot escape. D-day is upon us and we wish we still had time to evaluate the misgivings that have been spread across our earth.

I will go to my grave knowing that I tried to improve the position of others and help my fellow man, while in the process I learnt to help myself. I also will go to my grave regretting a few things that I allowed myself to fall prey to, including jealousy, anger and misguided pride. I fear that we may never learn what we need to know right now and though many are trying to warn us, few are listening. What an amazing yet incredibly stupid race we are at times, to have so much beauty at our finger tips yet as much destruction as the legacy left in our wake. If all is lost we are and will always be a beautiful miss conception on our creators’ conscience. Who or what ever created us, must stand in awe of our ability to do the worst thing imaginable to something that I am sure could only ever be seen as a gift. A blue shining gem spinning in space and time, that for a split second in the scheme of things was a hope full bequeath to a human race that at various moments, does not know what it does.

Robyn Whittaker. Copyright (c) 2011

Parental License.

Heterosexuals of either gender no longer exclusively own the license to being parents and we have learnt that you do not have to be in a conventional arrangement to do a good job of bringing up a child. This is not really a new thing and many children have been brought up very successfully in alternative household arrangements by members of our community in the past. It has been argued that they sometimes do a better job of parenting, compared to the dysfunctional structure of certain families within the wider community. The instances of child abuse and mistreatment in this country prove that having heterosexual parents is no guarantee of a good upbringing. Good parenting does not depend upon the sexuality of the mother or father, and does not require both to be present throughout the Child's upbringing. Believe it or not some seemingly good upright members of our society who appear to be straight and have lovely little families have the reality of either parent indulging in varied sexual practices. Sometimes they even indulge in these practices without the knowledge of the other partner. The statistics of married and apparently straight men frequenting parks and public places to indulge in sexual practices with other men would surely spin the heads of the wives they are attached to. I am sure there would be also many husbands that may be surprised by the reality of closeted desires turned into an experience by their wives when the chance arises. Of course we have been led to believe that the husbands of these women would more likely experience arousal than a shock reaction or a sense of betrayal, but I am sure this is not the rule.

We need only use the best qualities of the past era, and none of the moral structures that give society permission to persecute those that they do not understand. The old world moral and value system that saw LGBT communities robbed of their civil rights and bashed to death is not something to look back on with any sentimentality. Mankind’s old outdated identity was false to begin with and not grounded in reality. We are now living in a time of inclusive realism and those still grounded in delusion do not want to agree with this reality. The LGBT community have been here since the beginning of time and it is a travesty that it took so long for people to come to terms with us and accept us as a worthwhile and valid reality. I sometimes get the impression that some of our detractors feel like they have been shamed and forced into being decent to our community by the laws that protect us from discrimination. Without them I wonder what would happen and I am sure some continue with hate filled beliefs, not unlike the undercurrent of racism that also still exists behind closed doors with safe company. We as a race have come to realize that what we have considered normal society for centuries has now lost its grounding and fallen into an abyss of new realities, and are no longer relevant.

When a person can go out and adopt or artificially inseminate themselves, those old world realities are forced to incorporate the new meaning of what it is to be a family. The world has changed and we need to get used to it and accept that there are so many different realities for what it means to be human or a parent in this new world. Acceptance is about forgetting the excuses that lead us to mistreat those that were deemed less than others and invalid. Always choosing to be open to compassion and the understanding that we are not the same, while embracing the fact that difference is what makes us such a beautiful race. And lastly, who on earth can define for me what exactly is a normal person or family in an ever changing world that is constantly re-defining what is considered normal.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

Magical Skye.

How magical our Skye is,
With suns first early rays.
Colours ever changing,
To give beauty to the days.

A marriage made in heaven,
The earth will sing rejoice.
The elements are her witness,
The bird’s song gives her voice.

The night time gives her diamonds,
And a moon so pearly white.
May she always grace our daytime,
And fill our every night.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker.

Gender and Sexuality.

The topic of gender and sexuality can be an interesting and confusing one for those who find it difficult to understand that your gender has nothing to do with who you sleep with. What always needs to be remembered if you find yourself confused about what sexuality a person might be if they are transgender, is that gender does not dictate sexuality. Transgender people can fall anywhere on the sexuality spectrum just like anyone else. The origin of gender and where we end up has no bearing on who you choose to sleep with before, during or after transition. Just because someone was born male and transitions to female does not automatically mean they will partner with men or visa versa. We are not who we sleep with and who you find sexually attractive is up to you, and that is the same for all human beings regardless of gender. Stereo typing does not apply easily to anyone in this day and age, and in my opinion it is a shame that we can all still fall prey to this type of labeling. The modern world is an open playing field and you are who you are, and you are even free to change that if it no longer fits.

Tran’s people can be gay, straight, or bi, just like anyone else on this planet and it does not devalue the legitimacy of someone’s gender status. Gender and sexual fluidity is a reality we need to come to terms with if we are to ever learn the art of acceptance of our fellow man. As time continues to open our eyes and minds to new ways of accepting reality, I hope we can all be who we feel we are in the moment. Our true intrinsic self, not locked into what others expect us to be or continue to be, a representation of the expression of inner joy.

If a woman or man can be bisexual so can a trans-woman or trans-man, and that is their choice and should not confuse anyone who understands that gender is not sexuality. Just because you choose that sexual expression should in no way create confusion, unless people are aligned to stereotypical ideas of gender roles in relation to sexuality. Sections of the wider community seem to have a real problem getting their heads around the concept that we are no different to everyone else when it comes to sexuality, and this need not be so confusing. I understand that some people will never accept us on any level regardless of sexuality and that's a shame, but that is life. There are people who seem to think that if we change our gender we should conform to the most extreme expression of what it is in their minds to be a woman or a man.

I remember when I started out that everyone had an opinion on how I should go about my transition and what I was to do if I were to actually be accepted as a "woman". How to dress, how to speak, and so on...It’s all nonsense! We are wiser if we just be who we are without trying to conform to how others lead us to think we should be. What others tell us we need to behave like to be female or male is all stereotyping. It is sometimes advice given out of concern and love, but this advice means little when we live in a world with so many variations of gender expression. You only have to look at those born biologically in the gender they stay with, to realize there are all different sorts of women and men out there. Shock horror, some women never dress femininely or speak with a shrill voice and the same goes for men and the varieties there are for them too. I have met so many different types of people of various genders, and thankfully this opened my eyes and I learnt to relax my own rigid ideas about gender. I let go of the fear that if my voice was not high enough or my clothing not feminine enough, I was somehow not making the grade. I have ongoing issues of nervousness in social settings regarding my appearance and femininity, a fear that I hope one day will leave me for good. For the most part I feel allot more relaxed and even consider myself to be quite tom-boyish, even though I know this is yet another label. I almost never wear skirts or dresses and do not try and self monitor my voice or my actions as I once did. I am also starting to open my own mind to the alternative variations in sexuality, even though it is only in mind and may never materialize as an experience. Regardless of who you are it always pays to keep your mind open, for we never really know where our journey may lead.

That is the ongoing mystery we call life.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

BREAKING THE SPELL.

What does it mean to be free in a world that is increasingly becoming a policed existence, of moral judgment chosen for the many by the ruling few? How many of our civil liberties will fall by the wayside in the quest to placate perceived government desire to safeguard us against the terror from out there. We all know deep in our soul’s right from wrong, but the growing majority look to others to be a guide and compass on how to live and what to do. Continually being fed a diet of lies and deceit, prevents most from waking from a dream state wonder lust for a lifestyle that for many will always be out of reach. Every day we rise from our beds and prepare ourselves for the treadmill that is our life, never questioning the state of play that has left many of us in debt and in a constant state of trying to catch up. Unless you have been lucky enough to win big or come from old money, your chances of getting ahead are slim, and that is just the way the powers that be want it to stay.

Yes I do believe in positive values and thoughts and I know all too well that they can indeed get you far, but I am also a realist and it would be remiss of me to act like an ostrich in this world of plenty for only the few. It is becoming apparent to me that things are not quite as they seem and if we are to bring about a change for the better, we must resist the constant Schism energy we are fed. Schism is the negative energy that is generated by those in power to disconnect us from the full magnitude of who we are, by keeping us trapped in a state of fear and terror. Every other day another show about crime and murder hits our TV screens. Doctored media teamed with the constant rolling coverage of bad news we are encouraged to consume on a daily basis, all create Schism. Have you noticed that the ones that have appointed themselves to protect our world are also the ones feeding this negative machine?

Change your treadmill and refuse to be a part of the status quo you have been sold and stop being a slave to the ones who wish to control you. Go to work and live your life while focusing on good thoughts and feelings, and if getting that thing you think will make you happy leaves you trapped in repayment hell, leave it on the shelf. Watch the box selectively and the entertainment it brings, remembering its purpose is to sell you a life you are told you need as well as the food you are encouraged to buy for the families you feed.

You are beautiful beings and more so for being born into this wonderful LGBT community, a community that has taken pride in being different from the rest. Choose a calmer life and beware of the deliberate energy trap called stress and by all means take your power back.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

POKER FACED JOKER.

Visual feasts on fetish for eyes,
Stung on the lips by your love.

Cold hard stone greets fancy free feet,
And again I see a new day without you.

No big surprise my life still goes on,
A new stage awaits my encore.
Freedom from heartache and soul searched remorse,
I find you're no latch on my door.

Truth of your stature in big scheme of things,
A truly false ledger of fake.
The poker faced joker with cold face remorse,
Leaving in shock and disgrace.

Full tilt the dealer,
What's left in your hand,
Sad lot is dealt as your fate.

Though endless your wager,
For new chance you wish for,
A long time is the lifetime you wait.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

THE POWER.

Here we go round the circle once more,
Singing the song as we go.
Bittersweet berries stain the new skin,
Squished into ground under toes

Renew all the daisies,
With strokes of your pen.
Quills that shape, the mountains you make,
Black ink takes over the red.

Framed gilded artwork,
You move what you mount,
The power is a virtue you have.

Pictures that fly,
From walls as they cry,
And neighbors will see whats within you.

Tell them it's true,
It's from them and not you,
And all will be lost and forgotten.

Stories start small as a mole hill,
Growing while taking their shape,
Finger your finds, while pulling the blinds
And a gypsy is the bull at your gate.

Bring her to places unspoken,
Lost grip has her dancing in rain.
What do you do when it all ends,
The numbers she sees are on you.

Back to reality of life's work,
Back to your drudgery days.
Spell binder spins you a new yarn,
And lost is the magic we made.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

GATHERING MOSS.

Long awaited from her time in the hole,
She arrives crisp and proper,
Clean and ready for the day.

Lillie's and magnum fields,
Sway gently in her wake.
And just once more you see her take a bow.

Gathering moss retreats,
Like front line of defense.
She trains the locks of new found hair,
Follicles bristle with brush,
Consensus is coiffed delight.

And small makes way for the big.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011.

THE VIRGIN QUEEN.

Not unlike the virgin queen,
Love was lost and future looked barren.
Never again to love another and share the spoils,
Sky fell open and grass no longer green.

So many hearts broken,
No replacement sought.
Carry forth the blood soaked mess,
And tell of a tale of monstrous men.

Above it all convincing yourself of the lack of need,
To allow those that mean to hurt a key.
Paint yourself white and start again,
And find a path that guides you.

So many have passed this way,
And stomped on your damaged goods.
The ones that promised love and respect,
Are the same that came to hate.

No longer in need of your re-assurance,
No longer in need of your love.
I will never give my self so easily,
To the vampires that suck my blood.

Gone are the dreams of loves forgotten,
To a place they all call fate.
Never to return to the palace of wanting,
For this freedom I no longer wait.

I feared a death was fast upon me,
I trembled as I fell to my sleep.
And when I awoke I realised the passing,
Was a person that died with hope.

Mother land I hear you calling,
In a language I already know.
Take me back to my kingdom of knowing,
And forever my life I devote.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker.

Beautiful Miss Conception.

What do I write when all has been said, I am not who I thought I would be. I am broken and I need the toy maker to mend me. What do we do when we realise that we are who we are far beyond repair and repose. I continue to hope for grander days filled with love and what I thought was mine to demand. Something worth similar to gold yet privately of my own valuation that instantly was seen and documented as an appraisal worthy of judgement. Yet it eludes me, and I am torn between the realisation that I have myself to blame and the reality that the ones that I choose will never give me the price I am worth. Why are we destined to continue and repeat the mistakes of our examples, the parents that brought us into this world, leaving us with a legacy that sometimes we wish we could escape. If only life was a simple as a guide book for dummies, we would surely excel and escape our traps and go forth and prosper. I once believed in love, I believe in love for the self while imparting love to others, but in this day and age they are not taught to give, only take. How does one find love with these values? I am sure there are a few who are different from this and I would hate to paint all with the same brush. Our hopes lay with the collective that still hold dear to the morals and manners of a past era. The ones that know that to gain the most we must first give of ourselves in a manner that is selfless to the point of no return. I see so many now that are determined to make front page at any cost and to hell with the consequences and who it hurts in the process. Does it matter who we hurt in our quest to gain what we want for ourselves? Yes it does, because the one we hurt the most is ourselves when we choose this path. When did we stop teaching our children that what we give out we get back? How can you bring up a child to destroy itself by slowly chipping away at its own virtues through another. I am so saddened by what I see and in spite of it I still believe we will go back to better times. It is inevitable that not unlike the obesity epidemic that is embracing the human race, we will be forced to see the error of our ways. The Titanic went down and they were forced to learn from those mistakes and this evolution of selfishness will also find the bottom of its ocean. We will in time see that everything has a price and everything finds its centre and whether we like it or not survival is an instinct the human race cannot escape. D day is upon us and we wish we still had time to evaluate the bullshit we have scattered over the earth, but time is not something of which we can waste any longer. Wake up from your collective dream states and rise up and save your children or even just yourselves if progeny is not your concern. You do not have to continue with the lie that all is OK and will continue UN-abated without recompense because our penance is coming in force. I will go to my grave knowing that I tried to help my fellow man and loved my inner desire to improve the position of others. I also will go to my grave regretting a few things that I allowed myself to fall prey to, including jealousy, anger and misguided pride. I fear that we may never learn what we need to know right now and though many are trying to warn us, few are listening. What an amazing yet incredibly stupid race we are, to have so much beauty at our finger tips and as much destruction as our legacy left in our wake. If all is lost we are and will always be a beautiful miss conception on our creators conscience, and that is not from a religious stand point. Who or what ever created us, must stand in awe of our ability to do the worst thing imaginable to something that I am sure could and can only ever be seen as a gift. A blue shining gem spinning in space and time, that for a split second in the scheme of things was a hope full bequeath to a human race that does not know what it does. Robyn Whittaker. copyright (c) 2011

THE SKY IS NOT FALLING!

You were born that way as the song says, and to hell with anyone who still holds onto conversional tactics and beliefs. In this world of colorful multi-faceted culture soaked melting pots, it still amuses me that some choose to hold onto so many outdated beliefs. The sky is not falling, and for the millionth time Chicken Little is running at lightning speed to escape an imaginary impact from something he so clearly does not understand. New inhabitants take charge of the chicken legs and find new skies to fear and at the end of the day we are left wondering what on earth all the fuss was about. Ignorance evolves with education and becomes understanding. The evolution of collective minds gains momentum and majority rule conquers a minority of fools who hold dear to stupid realities. As I have said before Gay marriage will eventually be something of which we take for granted and a yawn is the greatest protest you will get on this sort of announcement. I believe we are destined for universal acceptance from the majority of human kind and by the time this comes to pass; the rest of them will not deserve the virtues of our thoughts. Be who you are without exception and believe in who you are, because you were destined to come to this earth and stay here a while and find your own happiness. If the universe did not want you to exist, you would not be here. Hold onto this truth and go forth and multiply your happiness, to a level that no fools holding a pitchfork screaming lynch them could ever erode or destroy. They feel they have been ordained to leap your fence and judge your lawns and gardens, when clearly it is there own that is in need of tending. The only weeds needing a good pull are the ones that grow and become noxious when watered and fertilized with hate and prejudice, by those masquerading as good gardeners. I cringe when I see the vile behaviour of placard wielding holy people in the land of the red, white and blue, who feel it is there duty to act in a manner only fitting in the bowels of hell. We are a proud community and nothing and nobody with ill intention will change or turn the tide on what is surely going to be seen as our collective consummation and ongoing realization. We are family and a strong one at that, so be proud of the achievements so far because there are many more to come. Lastly I hope everyone had a fabulous Mardi Gra! Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011-03-05.

4 WARNINGS AND SENSIBLE REACTIONS

What an eventful year we have had so far here in our gorgeous state of Qld. Floods and cyclones have come and gone, and apparently we are in for more in the coming months. My thoughts go out to our communities who went through the floods in the south east and those living in the north that suffered through Yasi and sustained property losses. Thankfully there were no fatalities in this latest natural disaster that I am aware of, largely due to fore warnings and sensible reactions to mandatory evacuations.

Australia is a land of plenty and a land of weather extremes, fire, flood, droughts and storms that can whip the coast like a mistress who knows no mercy. We have over the centuries come to know it's ups and downs, ins and outs, and for the most part we accept that this is our wonderful yet at times gut wrenching island home. Some say that we are experiencing the global effects of our wayward ways of too much greed with our natural resources, while others say it is just how nature is regardless of human excess.

I think we all sense what is happening here, deep down we all know the piper is coming for payment due. Nothing is for free, even when it seems the cost is an IOU, we all pay eventually. Even the breath we breathe takes a toll on our human bodies, and oxygen starts the rust that cell by cell begins our rot. The best we can do is try to treat our bodies well, and the same should go for the planet on which we live. We all know what happens when we stuff our bodies with a life of excess, so why would we expect it would be any different for our living earth. Hiding behind a fear of a dwindling bottom line from green conversion, stops many of us from taking the steps to drastic change needed if we are to ever turn the tide on a planet in pain.

I believe Mother Nature will continue to visit us with her fury in greater ferocity each year, until we heed the warnings and co-exist with this planet and each other in total respect. We are changing for the better and evolving to be more accepting of our differences, but what good will any of this be if we destroy our only human home.


Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011

NEW HERD LOOKING FOR OLD SCENE

Another year is under way, floods have taken thier toll and whether we like it or not we are dragged kicking and screaming through its months. I don't know about you, but I am distinctly feeling an effect I once read about called the "Quickening". Everything seems to speed up and some of us become overwhelmed with an intense feeling that time is going faster than the pace needed for us to interact with it comfortably. Anyway this maybe my active imagination working overtime, but I am sure that I am not an island in regard to time loss sensations.

Talking about time, I was looking through some pics on face book of yesterdays club scene here in Brisvegas and it occurred to me just how much has changed around here. Admittedly I was looking at photographs of over 15 years ago and I would have to be an idiot to expect anything less than radical change in that time frame. Along with great innovations and upgrades to most of life that surrounds us, I have found some of these changes a little sad to say the least. I miss the excitement of Tuesday nights (Industry night) at the original "Terminus" in the valley, and even though I am happy our community has gone fairly mainstream, I wish we still had a more underground feel to our scene. God knows my desire to go out these days has somewhat waned, and the last time I ventured out, I realized why. Apart from the night dissolving into an unfortunate situation with a very drunk and out of control fool I became tangled up with, the overall feel of the night was baron of the fun we used to have before we became so fashionable. One barman even outed me to a male that found me attractive and then had the hide to justify his actions by saying he was trying to protect the other patrons! We would not want the Tranimals to bite the vulnerable straight boys visiting the zoo now would we? that would indeed be a travesty! You see it is one thing to commercialize our pink experience and send it into the mainstream stratosphere, but at what cost I ask you. Being around us and being a part of our party is where it is at for a lot of people who have embraced our community’s mantra of acceptance of difference and love in the LGBT degree.

Please don't think I am at all regretting any of the positive virtues gained by the changes in the law or the gloss that has been applied in bucket loads to some of our venues. It is just the outcry from a recently pricked memory of a time when we were a lot less polished and OK with a venue that was less about selling our experiential product and more about a fun safe haven for our kind. There is only one venue left in my opinion, still offering an old world LGBT experience and gender bending explosive vibe, devoid of the self conscious desire to change things too dramatically. To this day it feels like it did when all of our behaviour was supposedly very naughty and illegal. To my knowledge it has only been given mild renovations to update certain areas of its hallowed walls on the hill, and even though I do still occasionally enjoy my time at the others, I give top marks to them for perseverance with an old theme. Every thing comes around again and sometimes we yearn for things and experiences that remind us of times gone by. Innocence is a wonderful thing and with maturity comes many exciting new experiences and opportunities. I just hope we see the opportunities that looking back can bring to those looking ahead, sometimes in our quest to evolve with those around us we loose some of what made us so attractive in the first place.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 2011.