Gender and Sexuality.

The topic of gender and sexuality can be an interesting and confusing one for those who find it difficult to understand that your gender has nothing to do with who you sleep with. What always needs to be remembered if you find yourself confused about what sexuality a person might be if they are transgender, is that gender does not dictate sexuality. Transgender people can fall anywhere on the sexuality spectrum just like anyone else. The origin of gender and where we end up has no bearing on who you choose to sleep with before, during or after transition. Just because someone was born male and transitions to female does not automatically mean they will partner with men or visa versa. We are not who we sleep with and who you find sexually attractive is up to you, and that is the same for all human beings regardless of gender. Stereo typing does not apply easily to anyone in this day and age, and in my opinion it is a shame that we can all still fall prey to this type of labeling. The modern world is an open playing field and you are who you are, and you are even free to change that if it no longer fits.

Tran’s people can be gay, straight, or bi, just like anyone else on this planet and it does not devalue the legitimacy of someone’s gender status. Gender and sexual fluidity is a reality we need to come to terms with if we are to ever learn the art of acceptance of our fellow man. As time continues to open our eyes and minds to new ways of accepting reality, I hope we can all be who we feel we are in the moment. Our true intrinsic self, not locked into what others expect us to be or continue to be, a representation of the expression of inner joy.

If a woman or man can be bisexual so can a trans-woman or trans-man, and that is their choice and should not confuse anyone who understands that gender is not sexuality. Just because you choose that sexual expression should in no way create confusion, unless people are aligned to stereotypical ideas of gender roles in relation to sexuality. Sections of the wider community seem to have a real problem getting their heads around the concept that we are no different to everyone else when it comes to sexuality, and this need not be so confusing. I understand that some people will never accept us on any level regardless of sexuality and that's a shame, but that is life. There are people who seem to think that if we change our gender we should conform to the most extreme expression of what it is in their minds to be a woman or a man.

I remember when I started out that everyone had an opinion on how I should go about my transition and what I was to do if I were to actually be accepted as a "woman". How to dress, how to speak, and so on...It’s all nonsense! We are wiser if we just be who we are without trying to conform to how others lead us to think we should be. What others tell us we need to behave like to be female or male is all stereotyping. It is sometimes advice given out of concern and love, but this advice means little when we live in a world with so many variations of gender expression. You only have to look at those born biologically in the gender they stay with, to realize there are all different sorts of women and men out there. Shock horror, some women never dress femininely or speak with a shrill voice and the same goes for men and the varieties there are for them too. I have met so many different types of people of various genders, and thankfully this opened my eyes and I learnt to relax my own rigid ideas about gender. I let go of the fear that if my voice was not high enough or my clothing not feminine enough, I was somehow not making the grade. I have ongoing issues of nervousness in social settings regarding my appearance and femininity, a fear that I hope one day will leave me for good. For the most part I feel allot more relaxed and even consider myself to be quite tom-boyish, even though I know this is yet another label. I almost never wear skirts or dresses and do not try and self monitor my voice or my actions as I once did. I am also starting to open my own mind to the alternative variations in sexuality, even though it is only in mind and may never materialize as an experience. Regardless of who you are it always pays to keep your mind open, for we never really know where our journey may lead.

That is the ongoing mystery we call life.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 2011.