Dream from Wed night 30/07/08

I experienced a very vivid dream last night and it was very rewarding yet strangely weird as well.

I was at a party of a friend of mine Chris Sayer and my lovely Gus was there and amazingly so was his sister who i think is a gorgeous person. At one stage it did not seem to be Chris's place but instead it seemed to be Gus's parents home and i was getting on with his sister so well that it was like we were best friends. It was in the back of my mind that i loved that we were getting on as i thought it would only make Gus and i closer if his family liked me. It suddenly occurred to me that she had no clue that i was transgender and it did at times make me nervous. Gus's family as far as i knew did not know about my past and my best impression was all i wanted to give. Suddenly i was back amongst Chris and our friends talking, dancing and doing our usual. 3 people i had known but must of neglected saw me and we chatted and caught up, laughed and as i do i worked the room like a social butterfly on round up! When i circled the room and came backed past these 3 people that seemed to be in the middle of the room. I looked at them staring at me and realized they were none too impressed and so i asked what was wrong. They each in their turn berated me for neglecting them and being a snob. I rejected these claims and heartily told them i was sorry and told them that i knew alot of people and i was expected and i needed to talk to others. Chris seemed unimpressed too at this stage and i followed him after strongly informing the 3 of them of thier unfair judgement. I told Chris i was leaving and he seemed miffed but polite and said good night. As dreams go i was suddenly in a kitchen with Gus and his sister and she was so sweet and i was even dancing with her at one stage. She was cooking and chatting and at one point we were doing the whole men are arseholes talk that us girls have, laughing and going on, i saw Gus watching us and he was fine and seemed happy with what he saw but it occurred to me that she did not know about me and when she did find out she may feel betrayed, she had connected with me as a woman and may feel silly about our light hearted anti male chat when she discovered my past and somehow feel tricked. Suddenly no one was in the house or unit but her and the back door was open and her cat came to up the stairs, stopped half way and started crying, i think it wanted to come in. I looked at the flimsy screen door and asked if it was locked to which she replied no and all at once i felt unsafe. I asked her to lock up the door as i sensed someone out side, she agreed and the dream ended.

( I love such vivid dreams and believe whole heartily with the notion that they are our minds way of processing issues and experiences, they are also a message from those who guide you and are a sort of G.P.S to help you with future choices and directions. I dreamt this on the night of my fathers birthday and he has been passed on now for 2 yrs.)

DREAMING

A RATHER STRANGE DREAM INDEED. WE HAD JUST MOVED OUT OF A HOUSE INTO ANOTHER AND I HAD HEARD THAT MY FILIPINA FRIENDS HAD MOVED IN TO THE OLD HOUSE. I WENT AROUND THERE TO SEE THEM BUT COULD NOT FIND THEM.
AS IT HAPPENS IN DREAMS I ALL OF A SUDDEN REALIZED THAT I WAS PREGNANT AND REMEMBER FEELING VERY EXCITED YET SCARED BECAUSE I WAS ALONE. I RANG A VERY GOOD FRIEND OF MINE ORLA TO LET HER KNOW AND TO ALSO ASK FOR ADVICE AS SHE HERSELF IS PREGNANT. I WAS HAVING A WONDERFULL CHAT WITH HER AND THEN BEFORE I KNEW IT I WAS GOING INTO LABOUR AND MY STOMACH WAS EXPANDING IN SOME REALLY WIERD ELASTIC WAYS. NO DOUBT ONE OF THE SHORTEST LABOURS IN HISTORY FOLLOWED AND THERE BEFORE ME WAS A NEW BORN BABY GIRL AND LIKE THERE WAS NOTHING ODD ABOUT IT ORLA ASKED ME IF I HAD THOUGHT OF A NAME, TO WHICH I REPLIED , WELL NOT REALLY.
I WAS LAYING IN BED READING EITHER A PAPER OR BOOK BEFORE THIS ALL HAPPENED AND WAS STILL HOLDING THE ARTICLE AND SAID TO ORLA THAT BELLE WOULD BE LOVELY AS IT WAS A SHORT VERSION OF SOMEONE I HAD BEEN READING ABOUT CALLED ANNABELLE. AS I WENT TO HOLD HER THE SCENE CHANGED AND MY BABY TURNED INTO A VERY AND I MEAN VERY SMALL BIRD AND YET IT DID NOT SEEM STRANGE TO ME. LIKE ANY PROUD MOTHER I WENT TO THE GROUP OF OLDER LADIES THAT I MUST HAVE KNOWN THAT WERE HUDDLED AROUND TALKING AND EXCLAIMED HOW WONDERFULL IT WAS TO BE A MOTHER. I RECIEVED A MIXED REACTION TO THIS NEWS AND ON PRODUCING MY VERY TINY BABY BIRD IN A JAR NO LESS THE REACTION BECAME EVEN MORE MIXED.
NONE OF THIS SEEMED TO FAZE ME SO I PROUDLY WALKED OFF WITH MY JAR OF BABY BIRD. THE NEXT PERSON I CAME ACROSS WAS MY FATHER AND WITH MUCH EXCITEMENT I SHOWED HIM MY NEW BABY BIRD. I HAD PRIOR TO THIS TAKEN THE BABY BIRD OUT OF THE JAR BUT WAS VERY AWARE OF IT'S FRAILTY AND THE CHANCE OF LOSING IT , SO KEPT IT IN THE JAR. DAD SEEMED HAPPY FOR ME BUT WAS INTENT ON REMOVING THE WINGED CHILD FROM THE JAR. WE WERE STANDING UNDER A HOUSE AND TO MY HORROR DAD BUNDDLED THE BIRDIE INTO HIS HANDS AND LAUNCHED MY BABY INTO THE AIR. IT FLEW TO THE OTHER END OF THIS UNDER HOUSE AREA AND IT SEEMED TO DISSAPEAR. I WAS SO SCARED AND NERVEOUS YET UNDERSTANDING OF DADS DESIRE TO TEACH IT TO FLY ON IT'S OWN. I RACED TO WHERE IT SEEMED TO DISSAPEAR AND TO MY DISMAY I COULD NOT FIND IT. MY WINGED CHILD HAD GONE AND AS I SEARCHED THE SPIDERS NESTS IN THE TOP RIGHT HAND CORNER OF THAT PLACE FOR MY CHILD, DAD AND THE DREAM DISOLVED AWAY.
Robyn Whittaker. 10/8/07.