Life can sometimes be a challenge for anyone on this planet, but Transgenderism turns the volume way up. This life journey for me has been interesting and challenging to say the least. If I had the choice to go back and do it differently I would tell them “No you can keep the change!”With the luxury of 19 Tran’s years collecting behind me, it can be said with true conviction that this life journey is becoming easier day by day. When first deciding to transition from a boy at 17 to a girl at 18, I was unaware of just exactly what I was in for. In for a penny and in for a pound is an old saying, well after a few years it became obvious that I was in for a world of currencies. Almost like coming full circle, in the beginning it felt easy and effortless, every thing was exciting and new. Youth was on my side and the imaginary bulletproof vest that appears to go with that vestige was worn with pride. Innocently skipping through the first few years, blissfully unaware of what was up ahead. One memory was that certain friend’s would say I was very brave living as a transgender and each time I would tell them that it was easy and I was lucky to be so feminine. Rarely was I challenged as to my gender, and living and working as a complete facsimile of the real thing was effortless. Working as a deli assistant then a bar maid at the Brunswick, life was the dream I desired. Back then confidence would come and go like the tide, but eventually certain negative experiences created a downward draft and within 2yrs; drugs, prostitution, and depression were taking my life in a completely different direction. I experienced discrimination for the first time in 1991 when some guy I knew decided to take offence at my life choice and I lost my job at the hotel. I tried to brush it off and work elsewhere but my amour began to fail and the chinks in it started to add up. I spent approximately the next 10 years lost and confused but eventually with much soul searching, we can all find our way back home.
Life is very simple if we think it is simple, what we think life is it is. I thought I was a woman and so it became real for me, well my version anyway. I have experienced the highs and lows and highs again of being a transgender. Never would I swap one moment for what some call a normal life. It has been the most fantastic fun, heartbreaking experience and the gifts of wisdom and insight have made those low times seem like a blip on the radar.
Being a tranny is what you make it. It is not a journey for the faint of heart, but if this is the life you lead, try to be very grateful because the challenges of this life test can bring many rewards. There were times I could not even leave my home for an unjustified fear that people would be able to tell that I was once a boy. The mind can play some awful tricks if you let it, but try to remember that you are in control of your mind and everyone has a right to a happy fulfilled life.
Getting up each morning for me is wonderful now and Trans-Pride is a feeling i emit from my core on a daily basis. Our day is coming and we shall be seen for the strong resilient, insightful changelings that we are. That is what it feels like for me as a Tranny in 08.
Copyright © Robyn Whittaker 2008.
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