CIRCUS STARS

If i knew then what i should know now,
I wouldn't change a single second.
In this Circus of stars only clowns know how,
Fake smiles and promises turns our upside down.

BCause the clowns are the main attraction,
In the business we call show.
And their many captives surround them,
And cheer on as they choke.

Some are addicted to honeymoons,
sex and a drug called love.
A Spectator sport for some of us,
clinging to your false hope.
That the act was real,
And your words held some meaning,
To those in your front row.

Justified collateral damage,
Line the streets to your home.
The hearts and corpses you left behind,
Will burn your big top down.


Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. (c) 29,08,08.

HEAVEN'S HELL

I'm a star trash queen, get a load of me.
I may not be your beauty queen,
no sorry's needed here.

For I'm me , transcendental incarnate .
Transmogrified as if by magic.
You know what you want to be,

just live it and love it.
Life's too short to take the in between,

man/woman, does it really matter which road you take.
Just live it and love it and be proud.
There's lessons to learn, learn them well.

It's a trial and the jury's out,
for girls like me it's heavens hell.
You've gotta fight to say it's right,
To live and let live , no regrets here.


Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 2.9.05

UNIVERSAL AGE

OLD AGE IS THE PRACTICAL JOKE,
THE UNIVERSE PLAYS ON YOU,
JUST WHEN YOUR GETTING USED TO BEING YOUNG.
THOSE 10 YEARS OF PERFECT UNCHANGED BEAUTY,
THE LIGHT THAT EMITS FROM WITHIN US, IS SECOND TO NONE.

GUIDED BY THE CARROT OF PROMISE WE ARE CHALLENGED TO BELIEVE,
THAT THIS VISION OF LOVLINESS WILL GO ON AND ON.
PUSHED TO GAIN MOMENTARY GREATNESS,
THE YOUNG SO BLISSFULLY ARE UNAWARE,
THAT IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE ,
ALL AUTHENTIC YOUTHFULL VESTAGES ,
SOON WILL ALL BE GONE.

ALLTHOUGH THERE IS AN ECHOING OF GREATNESS ONCE PERFORMED,
THE TRUTH OF WHICH LIES JUST UNDER THE SKIN,
SOULFULL CHILDREN PLAY ON AND ON,
THE OLD SKIN MOURNS IT'S YOUNG.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker. 30/7/07.

My Fathers Inner Child

FROM ONCE A SWEET LITTLE BOY YOU GREW,
TO BE A MAN WITH CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN.

EACH CHILD HOLDS YOU DEAR IN THIER OWN LIGHT .

BUT BE ASSURED I CAN STILL SEE THE SWEET LITTLE BOY YOU ONCE WERE,
AND APPRECIATE THE WONDERFULL FATHER YOU GREW TO BE.

I LOVE YOU DAD AND ALWAYS WILL.
HAPPY BITHDAY DAD.




(c) Robyn Whittaker. 2006. ( Written on a birthday card to my dad 2 years before he died.) And Happy Fathers Day.

CARO MIO!

Like traveling through time,
Caro Mio takes me back,
Flawless design captures our yesterday.

Ladies who lunch,
Sip sweetly Champagne while laughing at their play.
Maturity in years does not fade the little girls in hearts remembering better days.
This place keeps them young,
Keeps them running in the playground of their minds.
Waitress in black and white brings what is desired.
Youth is not on the menu today,
But is no longer needed or wanted,
After gifts of wisdom in years have been received.

Lights suspended in ornate splendor,
Fixed to ceiling of white pressed ornamental delight.
No time machine needed here,
Soft music filters the air just audible to ear,
Almost as if slipping through a crack in time.
A bakelite wireless softly playing Alma’s Tune,
Listen, Listen, to sweet melody.
Pray that those from yesterday don’t turn it off just yet.
Big bands in the sky recall the fun they had.
Art deco grand delight, my dear, my dear,
Please keep us here.
Caro Mio in time, Caro Mio in love, forever.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 28/08/08, 12pm.

MIRROR OF LIFE

IN OUR LIVES WE ENCOUNTER MANY THINGS.

ONE OF THEM IS HOPE, HOPE IN A FUTURE FILLED WITH MANY EXPERIENCES AND PEOPLE, PLACES AND OBJECTS THAT WILL MOVE US TO GREATER LEVELS OF UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT LIES BENEATH AND COVERS THE SKY. WHAT DRIVES US TO GO ON FORWARDS INTO THE UNKNOWN WE CALL THE FUTURE.

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US IS BLESSED WITH THE FORTUNE OF EXPERIENCE, AND GOOD OR BAD WE FACE MANY OBSTICLES. MIRRORS THAT WE MUST LOOK INTO AND FACE, OUR GREATEST FEAR… OURSELVES.

CELEBRATED AND TORN APART BY THE VERY LIKES OF OURSELVES, THE BEAUTY LIES IN KNOWING WHERE AND WHO YOU ARE, DECIFERING CLUES FOREVER BESTOWED UPON US. FINNALY REALIZING THAT UNTIL WE EMBRACE AND CHERRISH OURSELVES AND FACE AND SURRENDER TO THE LESSONS THAT THE ONES WE DRAW TO OURSELVES BRING, WE SHALL NOT BE RELEASED FROM THE REOCCURING DREAM OR NIGHTMARE THAT IS LIFE.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker 11.6.06.

LAYING WIDE AWAKE.

SEXY MAN AMERICAN,
TALL BRINDLE SMILING TAKING BREATH.
CONVELESING FRIEND WITH CRED,
NIGHTINGGALE OF NIGHTSWEATS.
HEATED BOTTLE WARMS YOUR BED.

SUCKING SWEETLY PAIN AWAY,
STROKING YOUR GENTLE HEAD.
BRAIN STORMING WHILE YOU LAY,
SHARING MOMENTS OF JOY,
UNFETTED SLEEPLESS NIGHTS LYING WIDE AWAKE.
LIFTING NURSEY SKIRTS,
HAIR FROM FACE PULLED AWAY.
WHILE DOCTORS MISSING AT PLAY,
CLIMBING UP ON TOP.
HEALING HANDS MASSAGING CANS,
NO MILK TO BE FOUND TODAY.

UNIVERSAL LIGHT IGNITES,
HEALING THE UNSEEN WOUNDS.
CURE FOUND IN LAUGHTERS CALL,
GIFT FOR FORTUNES TOLD,
AND RECOVER HIM FROM HIS FALL.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker. 1/8/08 9.48pm.

INAUDABLE TRUTHS (Poem for Keith)

Do forgive yourself a life of pleasure,
Amusing monkey mouth.
Goddesses three sensing your glee,
Wise angel guides from the south.

Hearing whispers soft inaudible truths,
Beckoning pens to write.

Open, discovery turns on light,
Listen full with care.
Understanding all that they say,
Keys 2 the doorway.
Window missing its latch,
Messengers stand as they pray.

Fulfill yourself with purpose,
Answer their final call.
Bring forth your inner understanding,
Glowing and walking tall.

When sky dust has lost its glitter,
Hot orb ceases to burn.
Your place will be set in history,
Hearts mend where once they were torn.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 2008.

Suicide prevention and the Transgender cause.

In 1993 a study was done at the University of Sydney into suicide and its causes in amongst the L.G.B.T.I. community at large and it was found that at that stage the Transgender community suicide rates were as high as 43%, an unacceptable figure in any ones standards. Since then, thankfully the percentage rates have dropped to 6%, due solely to a burgeoning support base during the 1990’s. Infrastructure in the form of information services and support groups were born to supply those in need with the appropriate help and resources required. One of those community support groups is ATSAQ (Australian Transgender support Association of Queensland inc.atsaq.com, 07 38435024.), run by Gina Mather and Krissy Johnson in Queensland and the formation of the Brisbane Gender Clinic, which opened its doors on the 7/12/1994 to supply quality health care for those identifying as Transgender and intersex. (Appointments-Wed 1.30pm-5pm 3837 5645, 3837 5611 all other times)

After many years being excluded from anti discrimination law reform, the Transgender community were finally recognized and gender identity was included to the anti discrimination act on March 31st 2003. Though these factors have minimized suicide rates significantly, more needs to be done to reduce those figures to zero. One death is one too many in my opinion and everything must be done to reach this goal of Transgender survival facilitated through education and support for those in need. Recently the LGBT youth service, Open Doors received a $100.000 grant from the Queensland Government to run a program aimed at reducing the exceptionally high youth suicide rates amongst LGBT youth in Queensland. This funding began in mid August and will focus on the regional areas of Queensland and will work towards supporting those feeling alienated and ostracized by the difficulties of coming to terms with their identities in less tolerant parts of Queensland. This is a great step forward in preventing these unnecessary losses to our community and will help to create a future of limited suicide cases amongst the LGBT populace, experiencing hopelessness in the face of continuing ignorance and intolerance amongst the wider community.

I have been Transgender for 19yrs now and have experienced the mental and emotional pit falls of this condition and know fully the lows one can experience while living this gender disphoric life. After my own two suicide attempts, it is clear to me that looking and sounding feminine is no savior to a life that sometimes can only be described as an inner journey of lonely singularity. Luckily for me my support base in the form of family, friends and the Transgender community support infrastructure, has saved me from becoming another statistic. More needs to be done for those still left wanting and in need of the basic human requirements of inclusion and respect. There is so much hope for the future, thanks mainly to the many giving and selfless service providers willing to fight for a future that embraces diversity, which ultimately will reduce the numbers of Transgender people seeing suicide as the only escape from a world they feel alienated and abandoned from.

Written By Robyn Whittaker © 2008.
(Reference information thanks to ATSAQ and Open Doors.)

Nightmare/Dream 09/08/08

This is the dream I experienced in the waking hours of the 9th august 2008. I think that it was maybe the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games last night that could have triggered this dream. The difference was that this event in my dream happened on our own shores. I will say that some details even though I have gotten up as quickly as I could to capture it, have already left me; this is as I remember it. I was in Australia at a place by the sea, it was quite a large place but it was not Sydney, I guess it was really more of a nightmare. I was with my mother at this opening day fair at some sort of stadium and then I left her with her friends, I then went to a friends unit with an obscured view of the sea. It seemed to be three buildings back from the sea and from his front window we could just glimpse the ocean through the gaps between two buildings side by side in front of his unit. They were all gay guys from what I could tell, and very cute. One guy was at one point walking around the unit naked and it was a turn on to say the least. Anyway I think we were all three of us watching this ceremony on TV and it was so exciting and made me feel very proud to be Australian. The streets and parks were filled with happy children and parents, the children were playing in a park on swings, and everyone was in a festive mood that could almost be tangibly touched. Strangely enough I seemed to have an aerial view of this occasion but was in a unit watching a TV screen but not seeing it from that perspective, more like I was flying around in the air without the aid of a helicopter or plane, it was a dream so I guess it sort of made sense at the time. I will never forget how real it felt to watch these proceedings completely helpless knowing that it may be my last moment alive. Toward the end of the festivities a jolting, rumbling, almost sonic boom was felt by all of us in the unit. I felt my heart skip a beat when I realized it was not anything like the bang of the fireworks going off. We saw on the TV that people were screaming and running away from the sea. The ocean was rising up in the same way a tsunami does, and a massive set of waves came toward the shore where thousands of people had been relaxing and enjoying this lovely day.
Suddenly all of us in the unit looked through this window that could see the ocean, and to my horror I saw a wall of water coming straight for the unit complex. The wave was just seconds from engulfing us and I was amazingly still wondering like a fool whether or not it was a part of this opening ceremony.

In a split second later the reality kicked in as the killer wave reached our building, and just before it engulfed us I started to panic and said “Oh my God what’s happening?” The guys were panicked but sat on what seemed like a bed from what I can remember, and we all huddled together and at that moment the wave hit the building. I realized that I might die at this moment and it was a deeply shocking realization, at that moment I said “I think we are going to die” I thought of my mother in that pavilion with her friends and how I may never see her again, it was an awful feeling and I will never forget it. As we were being engulfed by this wave, it sounded like we were in a tunnel but the roar was somewhat dulled. It was obviously a dream, because even though some water came through the window we had been looking through, none of us were harmed after the wave had passed. The successive waves eventually petered out eventually and the building was left standing. I was amazed to be still alive and we all were shaken but relieved it was over. As we directed our gaze back to the TV, the true tragedy and devastation was all too apparent. Thousands had been killed and many more were lost at sea and chaos prevailed. The shock was starting to set in and all I could think was where my mother was and how could I find her. Sheer Terror is the only way I can describe the feeling when it occurred to me that I may never see her again. I rang her number but no answer and tried to think of a way to get to her. My eyes kept going back to the TV as now news programs were all frantically trying to get the story out to the masses. They were reporting many deaths and were investigating whether it was a natural or man made disaster, which I thought was odd. I rang as many people I knew to see if they were ok but strangely not Gus. Maybe because he was out of town and I may have just known he was safe, but then I would have thought I would have wanted to speak with him. I went outside and the place was deserted, with the odd person here and there crying, wet and looking lost. All of a sudden my mother turned up in front of me and I was extremely excited and elated, amazed she was there standing in front of me alive and well. I hugged her and cried and thanked the universe for bringing her back to me.
Eventually Gus called and he was very happy to hear my voice and that I was ok and not hurt. Then all of a sudden I was sitting out watching what looked like a park out on a bed on a balcony or verandah, I think mum was there for a bit and I was crying recounting my story and then just in a flash she was gone and I was alone watching a very different scene.

A man was climbing some wall and he seemed almost robotic as he scaled it, looking straight ahead. As this man climbed, the wall changed and though it was still a smallish partition, it seemed to be made from something more natural. Another of these similar looking soldiers (slightly medieval looking) climbed this wall and he seemed to be fashioning it into something else until it became a tree. It was beautiful to watch but a bit scary as well. There was like a line of these walls and soldiers that turned their walls into trees and this happened in front of me 40 meters into the distance and they each were separated by about 2 or 3 meters of grass between each tree wall. It was beautiful to watch to say the least, a bit like the time laps beauty of the movie Time Machine. The park and the surrounding buildings seemed to transform into a field before my eyes. The men appeared to be morphing completely into what they would have looked like if they were back in the days of Robin Hood; maybe earthly saviors come to help us bring our earth back to a more natural state. The Nightmare/Dream ended.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker 2008.

Mommie Dearest at Caro Mio.

Imagine stepping back in time to the 1930s. A world of high teas, fine china, jazz, cabaret and old world charm. Well at Caro Mio this world is alive and well. Proprietor, Luke Quadrelli, has created quite a stir in the heart of Woolloongabba's revamped and burgeoning retail and dining strip, allowing people to experience dining as they were in days gone by.
By day Caro Mio is cafe style – soups, lasagne, cakes and an array of teas and coffees from around the world but by night the intimate surroundings and fine food make this cafe the perfect place to bring your special someone for a romantic night.
Caro Mio first opened its doors three years ago and has cemented its spot amongst Brisbane’s finest cafes. Luke believes that the reason Caro Mio has been able to establish its self so well has been not just because of the beautiful surroundings and food but the extra qualities such as the entertainment and staff.
“We have slowly but surely expanded. I think the reason behind out success has been finding the right performers and the right staff. It has allowed us to mature and grow.”
Every Friday night, diners are treated to the swinging sounds of local Jazz musicians while they enjoy their meal and a bottle of wine. Luke has just opened a new basement for entertainment and has plans to open a bar downstairs.
Memories of yesteryear are the passion behind Caro Mio and one of Luke’s biggest passions is classic cinema. Every second Saturday, Movies from the golden age of film are shown on the big screen with a wide selection of films on display, ranging from tear jerkers to the fabulous and camp.
A special screening of the iconic camp classic ‘Mommy Dearest is coming up on 23 August and is sure to pack the house. The night will cost $40 per head and includes a three course meal, movie and popcorn – but no wire hangers!
After all the entertainment of the weekend, what better is there to relax than by enjoying high tea with friends? Immerse yourself in the ambience of the silver service treatment: sit back, be pampered and delight in the mouth watering three- tiered-stand of various delicious finger sandwiches and delectable scones and pikelets and dainty petit fours served with premium teas. An afternoon fit for a queen.
In addition to the cafe, Luke also provides customers with clairvoyance readings. Luke is a renowned clairvoyant and has been reading in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne since 1988 and specialises in clairvoyance with Tarot, Photo and Aura readings. His aim for the Café is to create a space where people will find comfort and insight in a relaxing atmosphere.
For a full list of upcoming movies and events visit http://www.caromiocafe.com/
Caro Mio. 598 Stanley St, Woolloongabba Qld.

(This is the Article that appears in the latest issue of Q News, go here for more http://www.qnews.com.au/home )

SUCKUBUS

SAY GOODBYE TO ALL THOSE DREAMS,
SAY ALL YOUR PRAYERS TONIGHT.
SAY THAT YOUR HAPPY AND SAY THAT IT'S TRUE,
SAYING YOU WON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT.
WHEN IT'S GONE IT'S GONE FOR GOOD,
CAN YOU TELL WHEN IT WENT AWAY.
TWISTING, TURNING YOU TORTURE THE FAITH,
AND THERE'S NO PRAYERS LEFT WORTHY TO PRAY.
YOUR GAMES FCUK MINDS AND FCUK WEAKENED HEARTS,
THE HARD BLOODS RUSHING IN VAINS.

WHEN SUCKUBUS FEEDS ON SPIRIT FILLED PREY,
ALL THAT IS LEFT IS SOUL STAIN.
CURSE YOU VILE ENERGY PARASITE,
CURSE YOU TILL END OF YOUR DAY.

GO DWELL IN PLACES FAR FROM HERE,
BURNING IN HELL'S WHERE YOU'LL STAY.

(c) Copyright. (C) Robyn Whittaker. ( A reworked poem from 2007)

NIGHTMARE

A dream came to my bed last night; it spoke of times foreboding, of prince that turned to monstrous man. And the earth fractured soul began imploding; the house became a trap for them. New personality lost in disguise, left in its place, the sweet servants ears worked out his lies. Helpless chased and abandoned, onlookers are running to hell. New suitor throws Queen from high window, onlooker informs me of fall.
Rush to witness my life giver reduced to only a crawl. Anger swells up within side me; avenge the attack from side door. Everything in time fractures not acting in its place. Flood waters fill cities, past unite with futures and nothing seems the same. Rift makes tear in continuities main frame. Gail force winds begin in reverse to commence this nightmare. Mobile call connector no longer makes the call. His eyes of evil anger, picks at my weakened soul. No longer seeing the princess, unsure who sits in place, to his eyes I’m suddenly different. A vision of lost disgrace, running from palace, heart screaming for 3 zeros of help. Escape is not an option to run like fleeting pray. The queens remaining daughters seek refuge and safer days. Clinging to bus load of strangers, weight causes glass ceiling to break. Suction pulls victims to wet and muddy grave, their terror causes two eyes to wake.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 2008.

(This was a nightmare the night after a traumatic last new years eve.)

Safe Harbour

LIKE STARS COLLIDING ON PASSIONS COURSE,
OUR EYES FILL THE ROOM AND ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD.
TALL AS OAK WITH SOUL GENTLE,SINCERE, SOMEWHERE TO MELT.
I HOPE IT IS YOU I SEEK.
NO CRUELER BLOW IF YOU LEAVE, COULD BE DEALT.

RELAXED IN THIS COMPANY, CONVERSATION EASILY FLOWS,
I FEEL SAFE HARBOUR ONCE MORE IN THE ARMS OF A PERFECT STRANGER.

DAYS NOW EARLY, WITH MUCH HOPE I WISH FOR LOVE TO GROW.
YOUNGER IN YEARS THAN I BUT WITH SOUL AGED TO MATCH,
I FEEL SAFETY IN YOUR KEEP AND SENSE THAT IT'S NOT OUR FIRST TIME TO MEET.

TO SHARE LIFE WITH SOMEONE, NO GREATER GIFT WE CHOOSE,

SOULS SHARED EXPERIENCE, COMPANIONS TRAVELING LIFE'S STREET.
IF NOTHING COMES OF THIS , KNOW YOU GAVE JOY.
FOR MOMENTS IN TIME, MY WORLD CAME TO BE,
SPARKLING LIKE SPINNING WHEEL, MESMERISING ENCHANTING TOY.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 17/08/08

CAMP MOMMIE DEAREST VOICE OVER.

THOUGHTS OF TODAY.

MISSING YOU, I SEE YOU IN MINDS EYE,
THROUGH VISION OF ME AS THE CREATOR.

OBSERVER SEES A LIFE I MAY OF HAD,
A WORLD THAT DOES INCLUDE YOU.
CHEEK TO CHEEK IN HAPPINESS TOGETHER,

PURCUSSION OF HEARTS BEAT.
MALADY SINGS AN END TO OUR SONG.
SELF INFLICTED FAULTY THOUGHTS,

TIME NOW PASSED ESCAPES OUR GRASP.

MOMENTS THAT CHANGED OUR FATES,
FALL AWAY FAR FROM REACH.
LONGING FOR YOU BUT DARE NOT SPEAK IT,
NOTHING ON HORIZON, YOUR NO LONGER THERE TO SEE.
DANCING ON QUANTUM'S CREATED FORM,
I FEEL YOU CLOSE ONCE MORE.

DIVINE IN LOVES LONG REMEMBERED EMBRACE,
POSSIBILITIES ARE MANY IN NUMBER.
TRAVELLING THROUGH TIME AT LIGHTNING PACE,
EYES LOCKED IN SLUMBER.
WHEN THE VOID IS UPON US,

ALL MOLECULES KNOW THE WAY.
CONFORMING TO MIND THOUGHT BE WISE AND REMEMBER,

FUTURE'S ARE FORMED WITH THE THOUGHTS OF TODAY.

Copyright (c). Robyn Whittaker. 2008.

(This is a reworked version of a poem i wrote last year)

Please forgive, This blog site is expieriencing GREMLINS!

(DISCLAIMER!) I am un happy to report that my blog site page address is experiencing regular visits from those darling little Gremlins, and it has had me nearly tearing my hair out as at times when i try to edit and publish my work the dates and times have been wrong. Recently today i have been trying make some corrections and even add extra thoughts to stories to ensure that they are thoughtfully edited and publishable. In the process you may have noticed errors and punctuation mistakes that even after being revised and spellchecked were still incorrect. for eg... I would notice something i spelt wrong or that i had accidentally omitted like the copyright notice on the written piece, and to my horror when i went to edit behind the scenes, it would load my working page with the first half done and unedited draft, VERY FRUSTRATING!!! Also you may notice that the mommie dearest story is now on top of the latest story and god forbid i will not go in today and try and change it again for fear of sitting here for another hour retyping work that i had already completed. It says Wednesday the 6th on it but of course it should read the 8th. So the story about the Olympics is of course supposed to be the latest and on top, but it can stay where it is! I will get onto the blogger team for a solution in the near future and try to re instill some calm to my person with a cup of chamomile and a lie down. If you did not notice any of these mistakes and indiscrepencies then great, but if you did i am sorry for looking like i don't even know where the spell check button is and a lack of punctuation knowledge. All the rest is me taking artistic licence to it's limit. xxx Banksy

08.08.08 Very special day in history.

Today is as i heard from Friend that i know i can rely on as a reliable source, the luckiest day in this century and what ever you wish for will come true. I would say that you would have to keep your focus on that goal wish and remember the feelings you had today, and let them exist in a special region of your brain to be stimulated when ever you think of it. Keep yourself on the ball and remember that you are the end result of your thoughts and dreams, the dreams you wish to make real, and they will come true if you believe in them. At this time in history i am watching the opening ceremony of the Olympic games, and though i know that some have their political differences against this country, i feel we must try to see this symbolism from a global scale. It is if seen as a positive, an opportunity for change even for the issue fronts that are out of alignment for those in the opposition. The spot light on this country hosting this event will in some way i believe create an opportunity for change, brought on by the need to be the best on show and may stimulate minds to produce in future the changes that are needed. This always encourages humans to be the best they can be and in the process helps us to be better than we were. I feel it is a conscious and subconscious raising of the bar, that will eventually bring the globe slowly but surely to a future the protestants against this regime wish for us. Tibet will take it's rightful place in time, and all will eventually right itself, and Tibet will realize and own fully the dream of autonomy. I agree with some of these opposing views, and do understand that some may see this as pie in the sky wishful thinking without any proactive substance. This is my point of view and i am entitled to it. I would rather lean towards the positive and encourage minds to focus on what we do want and not what we don't want, because invariably whether you believe it or not when you focus on the negative things you are not happy with or don't want, you tend to draw more of this negative energy to you and the situation. I will say that this opening event is truly incredible and magical and i will never regret turning on and locking in to the wonder that is the human race. It was so futuristic and surreal and took me to a place that i enjoyed going in my mind, and brought me much hope that we can come together for the pursuit of excellence and encourage peace. Good or bad we will one day be as one and all barriers will fade into insignificance. It may not happen in my lifetime, but it will happen one day, and if we believe it will, it indeed will. Today i connected with Gus on a level that i won't forget, and that is between him and i, and i thank him for being the person he is and for being a part of my life. Tonight is a historical moment for me, I had a fantastic day and only realised it was that magic day around 5pm. I suddenly came to realise why i was so charged up and why certain experiences that took place during the day had happened. I am convinced it is also special for all those who believe that we can prevail and survive our long drawn out adversities against each other. I am sure that the magic that is being produced by the ancient spirits conjured by this date, will be a momentous hope and will propel the people of this little blue island to heal the wounds that we have inflicted on this planet we call earth. Thank you to my close friends and family for being a part of this wondrous date in time and history, and for being a part of my life. I am most grate full for the treasures that i have been given by knowing them, and for us sharing and being in the here and now. The best part for me is that major parts of this event were so focused on the art of writing and calligraphy, created by the earthling hand to express this beautifully fluid and evolving human condition called life. This date in history is an echo to the ancients and the futures to come and they will hear this echo for all time memoriam. xxx Banksy.

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 2008.

More Mommie Dearest!

Just to get me in the mood for today's photo shoot, i thought i would post some funny video's and pics of the Queen of High Camp and all round bitchy un motherly behaviour, none other than Joan Crawford.

I must admit, it is a little disturbing that the gay scene has taken on this child beating emotional manipulator as the stratospheric icon that she has become, but then she was a very full on personality that drove herself maniacally into the history book wall of famous yet slightly unhinged stars that even today has never been rivalled. Well Britney is the exception but then she could never muster the glamour Joan Crawford oozed from every pore. Child beating aside i will always love her and her take no prisoners attitude. xxx Banksy

Copyright (c) Robyn Whittaker 2008.

Caro Mio! Gus and Mommie Dearest.

Happy to report that i have indeed recovered from my weekend sailing trip to the other side and apart from having a little bit of time management kaos, my week has been fairly average yet busy. I am doing a photo shoot tomorrow for a classic movie night that i compere for a gorgeous quaint little 30s art deco cafe in Wooloongabba here in Brisvegas called Caro Mio. Go here if you want to check it out. ( http://www.caromiocafe.com/) I fell in love with this cafe the first time i went there with a friend of mine Daniel. I had hopes of maybe having a Clayton's engagement party there one day for Gus and i, owing to the fact that not long after meeting Gus i was standing in my kitchen sort of half joking about the fact that i was never going to get married and i made some comment about how i would never get to walk down the isle, let alone pull out my imaginary wedding dress from my wardrobe and starch it for my big day. A friend of mine Sherrin was up from Townsville at the time and she had a bit of a giggle about it and when Gus said straight up "I'll marry you" she heartily encouraged him. I sort of said oh yes ok sure not being serious but he, while only joking pursued the idea for longer then i thought he would have, and after a short time of this i sort of didn't know what to say and being a bit imbarressed i agreed and said ok lets do it. Both of us as far as i knew and i am sure he would agree had no intention of seriously going through with it but the idea grew until we started calling our selves the oddest couple. ( A play on that 60s sitcom about two guys living together "The Odd Couple") He was your fairly typically cute gay guy type and i was a feminine Transgendered lady with extras and i am not referring to that in any Hollywood movie terms. We stayed together as friends for months, and it eventually developed much further than even we expected. We went about our lives "under the radar" as we jokingly called it as a suedo straight couple and at times we even fooled ourselves, we grew very close and in a strange sort of cute way it developed into a lovely accidental match of two weirdly compatible people. Unfortunately time changes us and takes us where we need to go and alas my partner in time, best friend and soul mate has gone out to live near Mt Isa for a while to pursue his chosen career. As it turned out we never had our pretend engagement at Caro Mio after all. We are still close friends and i hope that one day in the future we can go camping, shopping and have a laugh playing the oddest couple once again. What did come out of that visit to Caro Mio, was that i reconnected with Luke Quadrelli (the owner) that i have known on and off for about 17 years and i started compering the movie nights for him. I hope to be getting further involved with his cafe with stand up comedy and other themed nights in the near future. Today Synthetic and I will be photo shooting for an article that will be in the next Q-News (Gay Rag here in Brissy) about the movie nights. The story will be about the Cafe and its fab classic movie nights and we will be dressing up as Joan Crawford and Christina Crawford to promote Mommy Dearest which will be playing on the 23rd of August. Cost is $40 which includes a scrumptious three course meal, Popcorn, interval quiz prizes and smiles from the lovely staff. (Thomas, Adrian,Rachael and Luke.) I will post the article and pics when they come out. xxx Banksy.

SAILING ON A LEAKING BOAT!

There is an activity in my life that i find most enjoyable and rewarding , and that is driving around with a friend, a list of addresses, a referdex and hope in my heart, going from place to place sifting through other peoples junk looking for treasures. I jokingly announce prior to these sojourns into the land of curiosity to friends or those in ear shot that i am going sailing on the upcoming weekend. Most on hearing this news imagine me glamorously boarding some fabulous vessel and launching my self into a fun filled weekend of island hoping and all things nautical. A few exclaim oh that sounds wonderful and so on....... after a few seconds i reply heartily..."yes garage sailing!" to which i receive a few giggles and occasionally the odd dry stare of disbelief. I have loved this sport ever since i was able to drive and even when i couldn't drive myself my father would cart me from place to place in search of the next treasure high. I would cherish my finds and when i was overstocked with these goodies sometimes i could be found at the local Flea market in Townsville off loading the unnecessary crap onto others for a much higher price. These weekends are firmly placed in the mind annuals of pleasurable past experiences that i hope to never forget.

This weekends adventure to the land of other peoples junk will not be filed in this area of my mind and will instead make it's way to that region of your brain that you desperately hope will somehow be excreted out of any available orifice willing to open and purge on demand. My very good friend Travis and i a few days ago decided that it would be a great idea to once again travel around in search of the Garage Sale Nirvana that promises all those who dare to dream that they for broken moments in time have the right to peruse and fondle unwanted things belonging to others. Travis and i often have a giggle about these excursions and the weird and wonderful people, places and things we encounter. One weekend we drove up to this house near ascot, piled out of the car and walked up to what seemed to be a fairly normal abode. On entering their garage i noticed the usual nick nackery and moved about trying to look interested. The man running this affair seemed normal enough, albeit a little gushy and over friendly about his collection of unwanteds. The only thing that took my eye was an umbrella and his very attractive son (young but legal). While bargaining this man down to $3 on the brolly i noticed Travis whispering something to me and sort of directing his eyes to just behind me. I got the hint and slowly turned around to find a disgustingly filthy fish tank filled with at least 60 rats and an odour to match that to this day i am amazed i did not pick up on . Maybe i was so lost in my parasol purchase that for a split second my senses took leave. Needless to say Travis and i were not waiting for the snake that may have gone with these vile smelly creatures and after noticing a creepier edge to the father i paid for the weather protector and left quick smart and we have chuckled about it ever since. I have really gotten of the track here so lets keep going shall we. What happened today made that excursion look positively boring and very average. I have been staying up late recently chatting to a friend who is currently in hospital and to my shock i woke up late to a phone call from Travis wondering if i was still interested in our planned adventure. I told him that i was on to it and would be washed, coffee'd and in the car toot sweet. I should have known that something was up as on leaving my unit i kicked the carved oak and natural rough shot cotton reading chair near my front door and screamed in pain, this stopped me in my tracks and was an omen for the forth coming acid trip to a twilight zoned parallel universe that did not contain most of the Garage sales advertised. We drove to the first sale with a smile in our hearts and much excitement, not only was there no sign but there was also no sale and even though we were getting close to 10am i felt they should have still been opened for business. To cut a very long story short it just went from bad to worse and every one on the list except for 2 out of about eleven were either shut or did not seem to have ever existed. We even drove around in circles at one point deliriously looking at the map and each other amazed that we had got it so wrong. I really take exception to people who go to the trouble of advertising their sale, but then fail to put a number on the street address. I feel they deliberately do this so they can lock it up when they get board or sell the 5 things they decide they no longer need. They have absolutely no regard for the poor souls who try in vain to patronise the liquidation they in an ad promise will be great and worthy of the petrol and energy to get there. We laughed about it but deep down i know we both were sort of creeped out about the weird twilight zone we had entered and it was obvious that planning such an outing would not be taking place again for quite some time. Finally we went all the way out to a deceased estate in Holland park advertising a collectors heaven until 2pm that guess what..... was closed! On the way to this fool paradise we were nearly wiped out by a semi-trailer with a speed induced trucky behind the wheel and had a big piece of cardboard fly off some guys ute that came hurtling towards us, ( starting to get a little worried at this point.) The only Garage sale that yielded anything for me was in clayfield at the residence of a rather forward man who had already started packing up by 11am ugh!!! This charming chap inadvertently insulted me while i was looking through his pile of forgettable records by telling me when i picked up the credence clear water album that indeed i would know who they are! Well i have heard of them but not because they were playing when i was a child darling. ( well if they were i would have been practically a feotus!) I glared at him with a half smile and paid for a rather ridiculous 60,s album by Burl Ives, for no other reason than because Trixie had once jokingly mentioned on stage in 1996 at Subway nightclub that she looked like him in drag. He even tried to sting me $2 for this vinyl travesty. I offered him $1 and the rest is history.

(People if your going to have a garage sale at least stick to the times you have specified and if you are down to 5 items by 10am then you should not have bothered at all!!! oh and one other thing at least put a house number in your ad, this selfish new post modern trend of omitting this info so you can disappear from the map when your over it is very unattractive to your buyers!)

P.s. Hoping to wake up back in my own universe tomorrow!!! xxx Banksy

GRATEFUL SENTIMENT

LIGHT DAWNS, NEW DAYBREAK HEARS THE WHISPER,
GRATEFULL SENTIMENT TO QUIET MORNINGS START.

ONCE AGAIN THANKS GIVEN FOR BRINGING LOVELY GUS,
YEARS PASS WITH CLUELESS ABANDON,
WANDERING THROUGH SOUL FILLED TIME SLIP,
LOOKING INTO EYES WE MEET.

HE MAKES ME THE PERFECT CUP OF TEA.
DREAMS OF DAY FILL WITH HOPE IN MOTION.
GROVES OF CEDER SING AS THEY SWAY,
FIRE ROARS WITH GLOW,
AND FLAME FILLED DEVOTION.

PAINFUL TRUTH REVEALS,
EARS ONCE CLOSED NOW OPEN.
WAR FRONT REALMS OF DUTY,
CALLS MY LOVE AWAY.
MINE THE HEART THAT GIVES ITS TRASURES,
THE EASY FIND LOSES ITS WORTH.

THE TIME TO SPEND IT IN SOLACE,
RETURN TO ME MY HAPPINESS.
BEFORE TIME TURNS US TO EARTH.

Copyright © Robyn Whittaker 30/07/08.

Dream from Wed night 30/07/08

I experienced a very vivid dream last night and it was very rewarding yet strangely weird as well.

I was at a party of a friend of mine Chris Sayer and my lovely Gus was there and amazingly so was his sister who i think is a gorgeous person. At one stage it did not seem to be Chris's place but instead it seemed to be Gus's parents home and i was getting on with his sister so well that it was like we were best friends. It was in the back of my mind that i loved that we were getting on as i thought it would only make Gus and i closer if his family liked me. It suddenly occurred to me that she had no clue that i was transgender and it did at times make me nervous. Gus's family as far as i knew did not know about my past and my best impression was all i wanted to give. Suddenly i was back amongst Chris and our friends talking, dancing and doing our usual. 3 people i had known but must of neglected saw me and we chatted and caught up, laughed and as i do i worked the room like a social butterfly on round up! When i circled the room and came backed past these 3 people that seemed to be in the middle of the room. I looked at them staring at me and realized they were none too impressed and so i asked what was wrong. They each in their turn berated me for neglecting them and being a snob. I rejected these claims and heartily told them i was sorry and told them that i knew alot of people and i was expected and i needed to talk to others. Chris seemed unimpressed too at this stage and i followed him after strongly informing the 3 of them of thier unfair judgement. I told Chris i was leaving and he seemed miffed but polite and said good night. As dreams go i was suddenly in a kitchen with Gus and his sister and she was so sweet and i was even dancing with her at one stage. She was cooking and chatting and at one point we were doing the whole men are arseholes talk that us girls have, laughing and going on, i saw Gus watching us and he was fine and seemed happy with what he saw but it occurred to me that she did not know about me and when she did find out she may feel betrayed, she had connected with me as a woman and may feel silly about our light hearted anti male chat when she discovered my past and somehow feel tricked. Suddenly no one was in the house or unit but her and the back door was open and her cat came to up the stairs, stopped half way and started crying, i think it wanted to come in. I looked at the flimsy screen door and asked if it was locked to which she replied no and all at once i felt unsafe. I asked her to lock up the door as i sensed someone out side, she agreed and the dream ended.

( I love such vivid dreams and believe whole heartily with the notion that they are our minds way of processing issues and experiences, they are also a message from those who guide you and are a sort of G.P.S to help you with future choices and directions. I dreamt this on the night of my fathers birthday and he has been passed on now for 2 yrs.)